recovering problem gamblers  
'in their words'

Dear John:

Two years ago you came to Florence and lured me into your world of glitter and excitement, with promises of fun and hopefully financial gain. You tempted me into the casino with "free" slot play and "free meals," knowing that I would continue playing after using the "free" slot play money.

The mesmerizing spins of the slot machines numbed my mind and teased me into putting more money into the Machine. I was deluded into thinking "the next spin of wheels" would hit a return jackpot so I can at least play longer or hopefully hit a big enough payoff to recoup my losses. I closed my eyes to the financial damage I was doing to myself, and just kept going back to the ATM cash machine to get just a few dollars more--because I was sure the machine was just about to pay off. I'd already invested so much in the machine, I was sure that if I left it, the next player would hit and take what I considered to be "my winnings." Usually that meant one or two more trips to the ATM machine.

Occasionally, you allowed a machine to hit and it would reinforce my desire to play longer...because I felt my luck was changing. If I did win, I would either re-invest it that day or cash out my winnings and come back later that week. This led to a constant thinking pattern of wondering when I could return, and how much money I could come up with to play.

Finally, one day I made a trip to the ATM machine and it denied my request -- "insufficient funds." I used my second ATM card and got the same response. I went home and finally admitted to myself that I had a compulsive urge to gamble, and I needed help before it ruined me financially.  I called the Gamblers Anonymous number and was set up with a counselor appointment and weekly meeting schedules. I quit gambling completely, casino and scratch-off tickets, started counseling sessions, made more than minimum payments on my credit card bills, and cut up one of my ATM credit cards. I gained a lot of insight as to why I gambled. Boredom and escape seemed to be the main reasons. I joined a fitness center and attended outside community affairs. That, together with the time spent in counseling, left me with little time to get bored or restless. I found that I felt better about myself without the feelings of guilt and self-disgust after losing money at the casino.

I now find that I can live without gambling to fill my life and that there are better things to do with my time and money. I feel I have finally taken control over my addiction and my life. I know I can cope with the financial problems I created because of my gambling.

So, this is a goodbye forever letter. You no longer have control of my mind and actions.

- DC
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